Goldenballs just got sandy. For the 75th anniversary edition of Desert Island Discs (BBC Radio 4), Kirsty Young’s castaway was footballer-turned-underpant model David Beckham. How would a man who has spent his entire adult life in the glare of the global spotlight cope on a remote island? Pretty well, it turned out. He’d probably look annoyingly good with a straggly beard and loincloth, too.
There have been grumblings from snootier quarters that Beckham wasn’t a sufficiently heavyweight or highbrow figure to merit such a milestone episode. They won’t have been silenced by his interview, during which he conformed to footballer stereotype by speaking mainly in bland platitudes. Everything was “emotional”, his family was “a unit”, he was “fortunate” and “grateful” for everything, and “passionate about my charity work”.
He might not be one of culture’s great thinkers but Beckham is undoubtedly famous. He was presumably picked with one eye on newspaper headlines, social media buzz and a potential boost in listenership figures. Few would have tuned in to hear searingly perceptive insights.
Instead, we got a warm sense of Beckham the family man – with song choices inspired by his parents, grandparents and children – and tantalisingly gossipy glimpses into his 18-year marriage to Victoria Adams, aka Posh Spice, aka Unsmiling Clothes Horse Spice.
The more popular half of Posh ’n’ Becks™ reminisced about changing daughter Harper’s nappies and rocking her to sleep against his much-admired chest. He fancies himself as a cook, so selected Francis Mallmann’s On Fire as his book. He admitted having more than 1000 pairs of old football boots in storage – a shoe collection to rival his wife’s and probably more practical to wear.
There was a kitschy, cosy nostalgia to many of the 41-year-old’s memories. He fondly recalled being shooed out of his grandfather’s favourite armchair while watching Football Focus; stopping at Little Chefs for gammon, egg and chips; and secret trysts with his pop star wife in the glamorous environs of a Harvester car park.
From sarongs to leather catsuits and look-at-me haircuts, Beckham has long been a something of a style icon. We heard how such brave sartorial choices started age six, when he picked burgundy velvet knickerbockers, white tights and white ballet shoes as his pageboy ensemble. Thank goodness he didn’t choose the kit when he was England captain.
He was winningly self-deprecating about his own “low-key” wedding, with its infamous thrones, angel bridesmaids, white doves and matching purple outfits. “Bold,” he chuckled. “What was I thinking?” We’re not sure you were, David.
This is a man who wears his heart on his sleeve tattoos. He recalled weeping when he got a trial at Manchester United and being so broken-hearted when his beloved club eventually sold him that he couldn’t bring himself to watch them play for three years. He came over soppy about everyone and everything. Talk about putting the bawl into football.
Young gently probed Beckham about his tough taskmaster father Ted (not to be confused with Father Ted), who only once told his son that he’d done well – when he won his 100th England cap. Disappointingly, she didn’t ask abut Beckham’s obsessive compulsive disorder or rumoured extra-marital affairs. There were no Spice Girls hits among his eight choices either, which was surely worthy of remark.
There were surprises on his playlist, though. Alongside middle-of-the-road fare from Elton John, The Doobie Brothers and Michael Jackson were songs which reminded him of ports of call during his playing career: the Stone Roses for Manchester, Alejandro Sanz for Madrid, Sidney Bechet for Paris. Ella Fitzgerald and the Rolling Stones added a touch of timeless class.
This episode also featured the return to the credits of the evocative sea wash sounds, for the first time since the Sixties. On a chill winter’s morning, I rather enjoyed hearing waves lapping ashore somewhere warmer. Anyone for a paddle?
Not a vintage episode, then, but an amiable one. Happy 75th birthday, Desert Island Discs. You don’t look a day over 70. Must be all that sea air.
